Regina Vagina, Wednesday

Sorry Suki, I was born first, so I'm jumping in first. Here is my flipping miserable day that made me so happy I just dancercized for about an hour to my itunes.

I was in such a pissy mood this afternoon... then I realized I was wearing a thong because it's laundry day.

Once that problem was forcefully removed, the sight of the black lace made me realize my vagina was hungry. Poor pussy, she hasn't been fed in a week. Dammit, once a week, men. I am less maintenance than most house plants. I'd call Suki to complain, but she'd probably just suggest I find inner peace. Peace doesn't come from within, it comes from someone coming within you. My special little friend with his not-so-little friend cancelled last night, which made me realize that the one downside to friends with benefits is that there are NO REPERCUSSIONS FOR POOR ATTENDANCE!

I cleared my mind with some savage video game destruction. I was super hungry from biking this morning but for some reason all I wanted to eat were these marvelous plums. Good thing years of vegetarianism have prepared my digestive tract for a high volume of fiber.

I've decided not to worry about people I know reading this and being offended, because anything I write I can say Suki wrote, and vice versa. Also, who cares? If you know me, you what kind of bird this is.

I had an unexpected phone call last night from someone i haven't seen in a long time. He is, to me, the Dos Equis man. Is that how it's spelled? The most interesting man in the room! Too bad he's an astronaut and he won't be coming to Earth for a while. His long distance bill must be through the stratosphere.

Well time to see if that spider has left my bathtub yet. It's been two days with no showering, but I won't rush him. I don't want to be all Hurricane Katrina on him. The meek shall inherit the Earth, and I want those guys on my side when that day comes.